do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
