I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
