what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
