i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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