The best revenge is premature balding
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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