I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
