1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
