The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
