At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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