when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
