i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
