Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
