flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
