i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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