bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
