Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
