this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
