Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
