Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
