i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
