where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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