Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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