He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
