Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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