my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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