those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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