nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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