Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
