Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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