kristin has been a bad kristin
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
