i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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