Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
should my penis look like a turkey
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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