remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
