I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
