Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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