On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
