I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
