scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
