Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
