also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
