Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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