Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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