So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
