Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
