I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
