I just saw a hot homeless man
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
