She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
