HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
