Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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