I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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