we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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