I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
