where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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